


Nocturnal Emissions

by Rilannon



Category: British Comedy RPF, Just Puddings (Web Series), Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:27:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23769316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rilannon/pseuds/Rilannon
Summary: James has some "alone time" after a gig. Ed makes a surprise appearance.
Relationships: James Acaster/Ed Gamble
Kudos: 25





	Nocturnal Emissions

**Author's Note:**

> From the britcom anon meme.
> 
> Prompt: A James Acaster (shame-fueled? porn deprived?) wank, please and thank you.

James throws his head back against the pillows in frustration. The WiFi in this dingy hotel is patchy at best, and he glares at the buffering video like it has personally offended him. He’s already tried switching to mobile data once, but the signal was even worse. Maybe the walls are lined with lead, to maintain privacy from any passing superheroes with X-ray vision. Or more likely to force people to pay for the shitty WiFi.  
  
James drops the now pointless phone to his side, his other hand still stroking his cock gently. He doesn’t like delving into his imagination when he wanks, the guilt he feels afterwards from imagining people that he knows or ex-girlfriends often ruins the whole experience for him. He much prefers porn, where it’s literally their job to be wanked about and he can feel less guilty. He doesn’t have many options at this point though, he’s been on tour for what feels like forever and he needs this release to quieten his mind and get to sleep.  
  
He glances back at the frozen image on the phone screen. Underneath the spinning buffering circle, the woman is on her knees, looking up at the guy with her mouth stretched around his cock. His brain supplies plenty of memories of blowjobs he’s received, and he settles on a memory of a recent ex with the expected pang of guilt. He closes his eyes as his hand picks up speed, remembering the heat of her mouth and the way her delicate hand had wrapped around the base of him. He groans as he remembers the little twist and flicker of her tongue, how he’d had to tangle his fingers in her hair to keep himself grounded. He stops briefly to spit on his hand before returning to stroke himself furiously, feeling the pleasure curling at the base of his spine, getting closer all the time.  
  
A noise from his phone distracts him, and he opens his eyes on instinct. He looks over to see a text from Ed, juxtaposed over the still frozen video. His brain immediately supplies him with the memory of his last in-person conversation with Ed, which had started with them talking about weird food at Roman feasts and ended with Ed practically swallowing a banana whole to prove his lack of gag reflex. Suddenly, the image in his mind twists, and it’s no longer the ex on her knees in front of him, but Ed. James gasps as the fantasy Ed smirks as he swallows James down to the base, eyes closing in brief pleasure in a way that James knows intimately, although never in this context.  
  
James freezes, horrified at his own brain. It wasn’t like he’d never checked a guy out before, a nice bum was a nice bum regardless of whether it was on a man or a woman, but he’d never thought about a guy when he was wanking. And not just any guy, but Ed, one of his best friends, who would surely be horrified if he ever knew. He notices that his hand has started moving again without his permission, slow and tight on his cock, like he can’t help himself. He feels a hot rush of shame, which only makes his cock throb in his fist, sending him dangerously close to the edge. With a pained groan he succumbs to the inevitable and picks up the pace, letting the image of Ed on his knees unfurl in his mind with a sharp stab of guilt.  
  
The Ed in his mind moans around his cock, taking it deep again before setting up a fast rhythm that had James's hips twitching. Ed just moans again, letting James get a hand in his hair and thrust into his mouth. This isn’t something James has ever done, always too careful and shy, but he can just imagine how it would feel, thrusting into Eds willing mouth, not holding himself back. He’s vaguely aware that his hips are thrusting to meet his hand in reality, the pleasure building with every moment, and the rush of embarrassment at how he must look only sends him spiralling higher.  
  
In his mind Ed pulls back, his hand replacing his mouth and stroking urgently. He looks like the time they had drunk their way through Eds wine collection, relaxed and happy, his mouth stained red. The fantasy Ed smirks at him. ‘God, you’re so desperate for it, aren’t you?’ He shakes his head. ‘No self control, not that I’m surprised.’ James groans, suddenly right on the edge. Ed just grins, one eyebrow raised mockingly. ‘I want you to come down my throat James, think you can manage that?’ He shifts again and swallows James down in one fluid motion.  
  
James twists his hand on the next upstroke and it’s all he needs for the pleasure to finally peak. It rushes through him, white hot, and he feels his cock throb in his fist as he comes all over himself. He keeps moving his hand gently, drawing out the sensation, unwilling to face up to what he’s just done. All too soon, his cock gets too sensitive and he has to move his hand away, rubbing at the splatters of come across his belly. He finds one almost up to his shoulder and he reaches for a tissue to clean himself up, distracting himself for as long as possible.  
  
All too soon he’s cleaned up and slipped under the covers, and he can’t put it off any more. He just wanked off to the though of Ed sucking his cock and taunting him, and come pretty fucking hard. What does it say about him, that thinking about one of his best friends humilating him makes him feel like that? The shame washes over him again, but this time the ache is in his chest rather than his cock and accompanied with a veritable tidal wave of guilt. How was he supposed to face Ed again with the knowledge of what he had done? His phone pings again, and he opens the text messages with trepidation, as if somehow Ed had developed some sort of psychic ability and was texting him to accuse him of being an awful human being. To his relief it’s just Ed sending him a restaurant recommendation, and asking if James wanted to go when he was back home. James quickly taps out a positive reply and sends it, fingers on autopilot. The food did sound amazing and he did like spending time with Ed, but his stomach was still tangled in knots. He doesn’t feel like he deserves Eds friendship right now, not after that, but he can't help but crave it.  
  
He checks his alarm is set and puts his phone away, ignoring Eds reply as it lights up the screen. He rolls over and drifts off into a fitful sleep, filled with dreams of Ed laughing at him and mocking him. When he wakes the next morning, he can’t decide if they were dreams or nightmares.


End file.
